First Century Emails

First Century Emails

By |

Chris is a friend of mine from church. For good or ill, our senses of humor run along the same lines in many ways. What you’ll see below is an email exchange he and I had in regard to a ticket to our church’s annual Men’s Dinner, written in lofty language and following the pattern we see in the Pauline epistles. It’s good stuff. I’ve added a few links to help explain some of the “inside” humor. Enjoy! 🙂

The Righteous Reverend Jason Lee,

Greetings in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

I have heard, through Senator Hobbs, that you are on the mend from surgery. I pray that God’s healing will come swiftly to your body.

I wanted to ask if you had any interest in attending the Men’s Dinner this Thursday at 6:30 p.m. I have purchased a couple of tables for the purpose of recruiting single men, and I have been mostly successful. However, I have a few tickets remaining.

Would you be interesting in coming? I’m even offering a $1 discount from the regular $10 rate, and I promise the quality of fellowship will be sensational or I’ll give you your money back!

Let me know if you’d like to come,

Chris

Greetings brother. Your fellow bond servant in Christ salutes you. I am humbled that you have taken an interest in the well being of your lowly brother, and cherish the inquiry. I am, indeed, faring well, as God has been kind to hold me in His strong right hand and work a healing upon my form. Many thanks be to our Heavenly Father for His innumerable mercies. Amen.

Brother, I am more than happy to avail myself of one of your remaining tickets to the Men’s Dinner this Thursday evening. I look forward to our repast with much anticipation, and fully expect that the fellowship and breaking of bread to be a boon to body, mind, and spirit. Thank you for your generous offer. I shall recompense you this evening, should you be able to join us for the teaching of our Father’s Word. Should you be unable to join us, I shall be sure to bring adequate funds for you Thursday evening.

Dear brother in Christ, I must now close this brief missive and attend to the work in which our Lord has placed me. May the Father shower you with mercies this day as you labor and travel. Hold fast to the Faith. Greet the brothers with a holy karip. Amen.

—
Jason

An excellent pontification you penned in your response, dear brother! Your amanuensis represents you well.

I am filled with exceeding great joy that you have accepted my offer and that you will be gracing us with your presence tomorrow evening.

Alas, I do regret that I will miss the gathering of believers to heed the apostles’ teaching this evening. But I will be ministering unto the commoners who come in mass to witness the battle being displayed by the Hornets and the Sonics in the great coliseum known as the Ford Center.

I praise God for the opportunity of fellowship we will share Thursday evening. May all our fellow saints who come be edified and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ receive much glory.

I will look diligently for your presence tomorrow evening. I know you don’t see the large letters I write for I have been graciously allowed to key my response.

The Lord bless you and give you perfect peace!

Comments are closed.