Author: jason

everybodyduck: Doug Eats Dirt

everybodyduck: Doug Eats Dirt

One of my favorite bands of all time is the band “everybodyduck.” They have (usually) fun, bouncy songs with masterful musician, and insightful, often witty, lyrics. Recently, I lucked up the web site of their lead singer, Darin McWaters. On this site, I found they’re giving away (sort of) their music (they have a PayPal account setup for donations). As I’ve listened to some of the songs I had been unable to find locally to buy on disc, I’d run across some songs that I wanted to share with others, so I’m going to start a new “section” here, lyrics, where I’ll post the lyrics (and, in the case of everybodyduck, links to the song). So, without further ado, Doug Eats Dirt:

First, a note on these lyrics. I can’t find them anywhere on the internet, so I did my best to transcribe them as I listened to the song. There are places where I did the best I can, and others (marked ellipses) where I just had to leave it blank. Maybe Darin will see these and help me out. 🙂(I found these here. They seem to be pretty accurate, though I made a couple of tweaks below.)

This song I found pretty challenging, and I’ve though about the dirt I may be eating. Where does one draw the line between relaxation and eating dirt? When does relaxing become…negligent?

Doug is in the garden
Doug is in the garden, It’s his third time there today
With a napkin tucked under his chin, He bows his head to pray.
thank you’s said he turns his full attention to the soft brown clay
and Starts to scoop fistfuls of dirt into his mouth.

Well his family, quite perplexed, have done all they can think to do
No plate of decent food distracts Doug from the soil he’s partial to
And he otherwise seems normal when his feeding times are through
Still there’s something not quite right with mud-stained teeth.

Cuz while on one hand we’re glad that eating dirt’s not something you die from
When there’s healthy food available it just seems sort of dumb.

Doug eats dirt! Lots of dirt!
Breakfast, lunch and dinner Doug only eats dirt!
Mud and clay and silt and sand, Doug just didn’t understand
That it doesn’t become good for you because it doesn’t hurt.

Sure if Doug was drinking poison there’d be much cause for alarm
But despite the brown ring round his mouth dirt can’t do Doug much harm.
So we tolerate his swallowing like pigs out on the farm
Still it doesn’t change the fact we wish he’d stop!

Cause if he’d eat healthy food not only would it help him grow
It would help improve digestion which has become rather slow.
It’s a proven fact that dirt clods make it really hard to grow
That decided would really clean him up a lot

Cuz while on one we’re glad that eating dirt’s not something you die from
When there’s healthy food available it just seems sort of dumb.

We’ve all got a choice between the bad, the neutral and the good.
Choosing death by drinking poison clearly no sane person would.
Still we don’t choose that which grows even though we know we should.
We’re satisfied with that which doesn’t hurt or help.

All these awkward minutes that don’t contradict God’s will
But not all things benefit us yet we choose do them still
And how can we ever hope to be like Jesus was until
We start refusing that which doesn’t help us grow.

Cuz while on one we’re glad that eating dirt’s not something we die from
When there’s healthy food available it just seems sort of dumb.

We eat dirt! Lots of dirt!
Breakfast, lunch and dinner we only eat dirt!
Mud and clay and silt and sand we just gotta understand
That it doesn’t become good for us because it doesn’t hurt.

I Don’t Get Calvinism

I Don’t Get Calvinism

I don’t get Calvinism. At all. There are several things that just don’t seem to make sense at all to me, if we assume that the Calvinist view of predestination is correct. My understanding of “Calvinism” (by which most people mean predestination, though I there’s more to John Calvin’s teaching than this) is that God made everyone, but he actively chooses who will be able to go to Heaven. His disposition to everyone else is debated: either God lets them go to Hell by default, or He actively chooses who goes to Hell (often called “double predestination”). Either way, some people are going to Heaven and the rest to Hell, and there’s nothing they can do with that. I have several problems with that.

My biggest complaint is that I don’t think it squares with scripture. For example, John 3:16 says “For God so love the world…” and Romans 5:6 says that “.For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.” In neither of those examples, or others I’ve looked at, is the idea of “the world” or “the ungodly” encumbered with the idea of only part of the world or some of the ungodly. In fact, the Greek word in John 3:16 is the masculine accusative singular noun ton kosmon, a word meaning “world, universe, or mankind.” I’m not a koine Greek expert, but that term seems pretty all-encompassing. Somehow, though, and I’ve yet to see a convincing argument presented defending this, Calvinists construe that to mean “world in the sense of those He’s chosen.”

Furthermore, they say that grace is is irresistible (the “I” in “TULIP”). If God has chosen you, you will accept it. If that’s so, then how does the Calvinist handle Matthew 23:37:

Jerusalem, Jerusalem, who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were unwilling.

or Acts 7:51:

You men who are stiff-necked and uncircumcised in heart and ears are always resisting the Holy Spirit; you are doing just as your fathers did.

It seems to me that the nation of Israel was God’s chosen people (and still are, according to some), so if He chose them, how can they resist? I’ve had some Calvinists hide behind the idea of God’s “sovereign will” and his “permissive will” (if I have the terms right). Apparently, it’s God’s sovereign will that is irresistible and not necessarily known to us, and it is by this will that the elect are sealed. His permissive will, on the other, is what he has made known to us and is open to negotiation, something akin to “Here’s what I really want, but if you want to reject it, well, it’s your neck.” According to one Calvinist I talked to, the passages above refer to God’s permissive will, so Israel was free to reject the offer of salvation.

Here’s my problem with that: if God says on one hand, salvation for all, as this Calvinist apologist suggested, but then, according to his sovereign will, says, “Not really. Just these people over here,” doesn’t that make God a charlatan? While saying one thing, he knows and means something else? If that’s the case, can we trust anything God has said? It wouldn’t seem so.

I have a logical problem with Calvinism too: If someone is not free to choose one thing or another, how can he be held accountable for the “choice” he does “make?” For example, if I give one of my sons only one option (i.e., to disobey me), and then he disobeys me, am I justified in punishing him? I don’t see how. The theological terms “libertarian freedom” and “combatibilistic freedom” come to play here. Libertarian freedom says that man is free to choose or to choose otherwise. The compatibilistic view of freedom holds that a person is still free even if his choices are limited to only one thing, so long as that one thing is the thing that person would freely choose if given an alternative. So, if you would freely choose chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream (and who wouldn’t?) if you were standing in a Braum’s, then your freedom is in no way limited if you’re given only that option. To me, that view just doesn’t make sense at all, but Calvinism seems to be predicated up on it. “Well that guy would choose to reject God anyway, so there’s really no need to give him a choice.” According to Romans 1:18-20, though, God has revealed Himself to us through creation so that we are “without excuse,” with Romans 2:15 telling us that “the work of the Law [is] written in [our] hearts.”

From another perspective, if God’s grace is truly irresistible, then what’s the point in evangelism and missions? If God’s will is inevitable, then why the need for human agency in the spreading of the Gospel. If God has chosen Billy in Oklahoma City or Shambel in Ethiopia for salvation, it’s going to happen, right? No need to waste time and energy trying to find them, possibly losing our lives in the process, right? God’s will will be done, regardless of human choices, so humans become irrelevant it would seem. From what I hear, Calvinists theologians like John MacArthur get quite agitated at such assertions, but I’ve yet to see a adequate rebuttal.

I’d like to say that, ultimately, who is right and who is wrong doesn’t really matter — that it’s just pedantic theological wrangling, but that’s not completely accurate. In terms of personal salvation, that’s probably true. I stand convinced that the Spirit of the Living God resides in my heart, securing my soul to Him so that I will stand — by His grace alone — on that terrible day of judgment. Whether God chose me to be saved or just knew that I would (two alternate ways of interpreting the idea of predestination, of which I hold to the latter) is mostly immaterial: I stand righteous before God through the blood of His Son. In a more general sense, though, the Calvinist view does affect one’s view of the world. I’ve heard of Calvinist Believers taking umbrage at a church teaching their children the song “Jesus Loves Me” because, in their view, they’re “not sure” He does. Additionally, it taints your view of how church should be “done.” I’ve heard Calvinists lampoon and lament, basically, the inclusion of, for lack of a better word, the arts in a worship service, as they view it as the intrusion of the world into church in order to “trick” someone into salvation, as if man has any sort of hand in that (believing is, after all, act, and Ephesians 2:78 precludes that).

So this isn’t a dry, dusty, and ultimately pointless discussion and pursuit. It deepens our understanding of who God is, and helps us flesh out other doctrines and theological stances, and that’s never a bad thing.

Negotiation Workshop, A Michael Scott Joint

Negotiation Workshop, A Michael Scott Joint

Several weeks ago, a couple of team mates of mine had a disagreement, and fireworks ensued. This inspired my boss to buy us all a book and scheduled “negotiation workshops” to go over the material, and pain ensued.

I’m not opposed to reading the book. We all have room for improvement in every area of our lives. I recognize that, and I’m comfortable with that confession. These workshops are pretty painful, though, as there’s nothing in it I couldn’t have garnered simply by reading the book, save one awful thing: role playing. I hate role playing, but we were all assured we’d all get the opportunity to participate in future sessions. There’s going to be more! I’m not sure how much of this I’ll be able to stand without going absolutely crazy. As my beautiful wife pointed out, this is just like a Michael Scott scene. For reference, here’s what I got out of today’s session, one syllogism, inspired by a line on one of the PowerPoint slides, and one haiku:

Negotiatiors are people.
Soylent Green is people.
Negotiators are Soylent Green.

and

Negotiations –
A dumb role playing workshop.
Shoot me in the head.
Fie on Obama!

Fie on Obama!

I don’t get all the breathless oohing and ahhing over Obama. Sure, he’s a good looking guy, and he speaks well, but so what? There’s plenty of politicians like that. What are his policy goals and initiatives? What experience does he have that qualifies him for the highest office in the land? (The answer is none, really. Remy sums it up nicely: “Though that Barack Obama seems like he’s the best. He’s got like a year of real experience. They won’t let you run an Arby’s with under two years…”). I just don’t get it. John Derbyshire agrees, but is much more eloquent than I:

Read More Read More

Mad Libs, Yahoo, and the U.N.

Mad Libs, Yahoo, and the U.N.

My Yahoo has a kinda neat, but mostly annoying feature on its news page. If you hover over a link, it gives you a preview of the article, which is neat. If you click on it, though, it *sometimes* pops up a dialog with a larger preview and you need to click another link to go to the article itself. If you ctrl-click (or middle click) on the link, you go straight to the article in a new tab or window. At any rate, I was browsing the headlines and moused over one titled ” Age of ‘green economics’ is upon us: U.N.’s Ban” which got me this preview:

U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon said on Thursday the world is on the cusp of “the age of green economics” and called on nations to cooperate to fight global warming and promote the transf…

So, based on my understanding of the U.N.’s true function, my mind finished that as follows:

U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon said on Thursday the world is on the cusp of “the age of green economics” and called on nations to cooperate to fight global warming and promote the transferring US wealth to anyone but the filthy, evil Americans.

Of course, that’s not what the article said, but I’m pretty sure that’s what it meant…

A Primer on Intelligent Design

A Primer on Intelligent Design

Intelligent Design, or simply ID, is a pretty fascinating area of study to me. Put simply, it postulates that life is too complex to have arisen by chance, and that the intricacies we can observe in the physical world demand that some sort of intelligence was involved in its creation. Despite all of the scientists involved in promoting the idea, its detractors insist that it is not science, which shows, in my opinion, that they either don’t know what they’re talking about, or that that DO know what they’re talking but really want to keep ID off the table for fear of losing their materialistic grip on science and education. With that in mind, it was with great joy that I came across a great primer on Intelligent Design at Salvo Magazine, which has several articles on the topic written by some the brightest minds in the ID movement. If the area is of interest to you, or if you think these ID people are religious nuts masquerading as scientists, you should check out the issue.

RSS (and Leftist Wackos) Killed the Slashdot Star

RSS (and Leftist Wackos) Killed the Slashdot Star

After (too many) years of reading Slashdot fairly regularly, today I removed it from my feed reader. The signal-to-noise ratio has gotten really, really bad (and has been forever), and I finally got tired of it. Far too often, a story about some piece of technology, or law/policy regarding technology, for example, inexorably leads to hard-left screeds about the Bush, the Republican Party, etc., even when there’s no clear link. And if Intelligent Design is ever mentioned, you can rest assured that people of faith (though ID in no way demands a faith of any kind. More on that in another post) will be betrayed as stupid, buck-toothed, back woods inbred imbeciles. These days, the site is a complete waste of time and bandwidth. I can get the same info, much less noise, and certainly fewer insults from my 100+ feed strong reader.

“Hi. My name is Jason, and I’ve been Slashdot-free for 15 minutes now.”
“Hi, Jason!…”