Author: jason

Thoughts on My Dad

Thoughts on My Dad

As many of you may know by now, my Dad passed away on January 4th after a five month battle with cancer. In the days leading up to his death, and certainly in the days after, I’ve done a lot of reflecting on my Dad – who he is, what he stood for, and what he meant to me. When my Dad died, the world quietly lost a really good man.

Dad was big on family. He was always saying that what he wanted was for us all to be together, to get along, and he wasn’t just saying that. When Dad was a boy, he didn’t have a good family life. For example, when he was in the fifth grade, he was living in Shreveport, LA with has dad, who had divorced his Mom some time earlier. One morning, Dad awoke to find himself alone. His dad had left sometime in the night, so Dad wandered downstairs from the apartment they were living in to find help. The waitress in the diner downstairs had not seen my granddad, but, once they determined he wasn’t coming back, she helped Dad get a bus ticket back to Oklahoma City and his mom. Dad didn’t know the waitress’ name, but until the day he died, he was extremely grateful for her kindness.

My granddad’s departure from my Dad’s life was pretty typical for him, from what I’ve been able to gather. Because of his dad’s example, my Dad was determined that his children would have it better, and he worked hard every day to make sure that we did. We moved from a house we all loved to where he and my Mom live now (though it’s just my Mom now) to allow Mom to quit working so she could stay home with us. He did his best, especially as we got older, to avoid traveling for work as much as possible. I’m not sure if that cost him professionally, but it sure was nice having him home.

Dad was a big believer in being self-sufficient. I don’t recall ever getting a “speech” from him on the topic, but his life exuded it. He often talked about how he had to fix his own cars from the time he was (almost 😉 old enough to drive. He was constantly working on TVs, VCRs, microwave ovens, cars, air conditioners, etc. to fix them himself. While I don’t have the know-how to fix things like he did, I can see in myself that same determination to do what I can for me and my family.

He did, of course, recognize that sometimes you do need help, and wasn’t too proud to ask for it. Or give it. Every one of my siblings and I have needed and gotten help from Mom and Dad over the years, from automotive to housing help. One of my fondest memories of the generosity of my parents comes from a rough time in college. One semester I found myself quite short on funds to pay for my college expenses. Skipping meals wouldn’t even come close to covering my shortfall. One day, though, Mom and Dad showed up with a check for, if I recall correctly, $1,200, which I’m sure wasn’t easy for them, but they made the sacrifice so that I could stay in school. I’m not sure Dad understands how much of an impression that made on me.

During Dad’s funeral service, I was reminded of how important Dad’s faith was to him. This was highlighted very subtly by the fact that the speaker was not only the pastor of his church, but one of his best and closest friends. Since Tony and Regina came to that little country church, Mom and Dad spoke often of the times they’ve spent with them. During his eulogy, Tony shared how often Dad was helping him personally, and of how often Dad was at the church making sure things were working, that everything was being taken care of. When Dad was first admitted to the hospital in December, before things got really bad, he would repeatedly…complain about missing church, how he hadn’t missed a Sunday in so long. Up until the point he could no longer speak, he would speak openly of his faith. Despite his cancer and the complications it caused, he never wavered, nor did he question God, to my knowledge. He was a man of Faith, and lived by it until the day that faith was made sight.

During all of this reflection, it was interesting to see, consciously, the effects my Dad has had on me over the years. His attitudes, his beliefs, and, much to the chagrin of wife, even his sense of humor can be seen in me in one form or another. In that way, the old cliche that he lives on in us is, indeed, true.

Even more important, though, is that my Dad does live on, in every way more alive than he ever was. My Dad knew Jesus Christ, not just as some good man who lived long ago, but as his very real, very alive, and very personal savior. It’s that relationship with the Lord, I think, that really made him who he was, that gave him such and authenticity and fervor. I’m eternally grateful that that relationship drove him to raise us in a Christian home, to make sure we were in church, to make sure we had the opportunity to come to know the Lord ourselves. He loved us and the Lord enough to put up with countless youth over the years at summer camps, which are some of my favorite memories. Of all the things Dad leaves behind, that legacy of faith, I think, is the most significant.

After we said our good-byes, or, more accurately, “see you laters” to my Dad on that cold Thursday morning, I finally returned to my church a few days later, taking my place once again in the orchestra and praise band. While I still mourned and missed my Dad, I felt oddly rejuvenated in my faith and service, and somehow connected to my Dad, as I honored him in my continued service to my church and my Lord. As my Dad now perfectly worships the Lord in Heaven, seated at the feet of the One who died to make that possible, I can’t help but think that he’d approve, that he would be proud. I sure hope so, because I am who I am today largely because of my Dad. One of my life’s goals is that my legacy will honor his.

My First Karate Tournament in Years

My First Karate Tournament in Years

I’ve been taking karate lessons off and on for years now. I started with my Dad and my brothers… at some young age, and have tried to continue those lessons as life has permitted. For the past year and half, I’ve been taking lessons at my church. Saturday, I competed in my first tournament in many years. It went well, overall, and, as I’d hoped, was very educational.

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About That Birthday…

About That Birthday…

In a recent Twitter/Facebook post, I mentioned that my birthday, while good, was emotionally exhausting and promised an explanation. If you don’t want possibly too much medical information, you may want to move. Otherwise, here it is…

As some of you may know, my Dad has been fighting esophageal cancer for some time now. He was diagnosed in July of last year and had been taking chemo since then, more or less. Long story short, Dad was admitted to the hospital sometime in the second week of December and by the 22nd, had had 2 different surgeries. The prognosis after the second surgery was “without additional chemo, 6 weeks to 2 months.”

After his initial diagnosis, we knew we didn’t have much time, but this grim news really sent us reeling. I spent the next day, then, my birthday, I spent sitting at the hospital with Dad, giving him wet swabs for his mouth or, later, holding a glass of grape juice so he can get a drink. The giant snow storm came on Christmas Eve, so I wasn’t able to get back to the hospital (or out of my driveway) until Sunday morning, when I was able to take Andrew and Noah up to the hospital to celebrate Christmas with my parents. We had a great, mostly normal time, with Dad feeling well enough to interact with my boys. It was a special time.

Then came Monday. He developed a lump in his throat (and eventually all across his throat), which turned out to be a swollen lymph node. The surgeon felt it was the cancer coming on really aggressively. The medical doctor, though, felt it might just be a normal infection, so he prescribed some antibiotics. The next morning, the swelling had gone down, so it seems the MD was right. He felt, though, that the central line they had put in the week before might be the cause of the infection, so he ordered it removed. During the removal, it appears that Dad “threw a clot” which ended up in his lungs, causing his oxygen levels, blood pressure, etc. to crash hard. We (meaning the doctors) eventually intubated him and moved him to the ICU.

Over the next couple of days, we hoped he would recover, but it was looking more likely that he would not. On Friday, we decided to honor his wish not to be kept alive by a machine and had the tube removed. To our surprise, he came off the vent really well, with all his stats remaining pretty stable. Over the weekend, he did OK, though we had a slight scare on Sunday. Then came Monday.

Monday morning, I was supposed to start back to work. Since I work from home, I thought I’d just go up to the hospital and work from there in the waiting room near his room (I was, in fact, typing this :). At about 10:30, though, Angela came out to tell me that Dad’s breathing had changed, so we raced in. A little over an hour later, Dad was gone. With his family around, he breathed his last.

As I sit here now, a few days later on the evening of his funeral, it’s still hard to process. I keep wanting to tell him some funny thought I just had, or ask him where he keeps his tools. Despite the time we had after his diagnosis to start coming to some sort of acceptance, it has been harder than I could have ever imagined. It’s really, really awful. As I noted on Facebook and Twitter, we don’t grieve as those who have no hope. My Dad knew the Lord, so we know where he is, and we know that we’ll see him again. Selfish as I am, I want him here, though I know he’s much better off now. I miss him terribly already.

So… yeah… that was a hard birthday, especially now looking back. I hate the way it turned out, but I cherish every minute I spent at the hospital that day, the two weeks prior, and the week and a half after. I’d much rather have spent them here in Mom and Dad’s house, where I sit now, but it was my honor and pleasure to sit next to my dying father’s bed, doing what little I could for him.

Remembering Pa-Pa

Remembering Pa-Pa

Frank Pybas, or Pa-Pa, is a man I’ve known for nine or ten years. He’s Angela’s paternal grand dad. In the few years I’ve know him, I’ve come love him and his wife, Martha (or Mam-ma), as if they were my own grandparents. Friday night, after having a meal with his wife at their assisted living center, Pa-Pa collapsed in their apartment. The EMTs and doctors were unable to revive him.

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Nobel Peace Farce

Nobel Peace Farce

When I first heard that the President won the Nobel Peace Prize, I was really shocked. My first question, and that of everyone I spoke to this morning, was, "Why?" I was anxious to hear what the professional pundit’s reactions would be. My prediction would be skepticism from the Right, and unbridled glee from the Left. I was only half-right. Other conservatives responded as I did, with confusion and bewilderment.

The reaction from the Left, though, surprised me. While some are all but dancing in the streets, some Leftists — major ones at that — are also confused. Matt Lauer said, “We’re less than a year into the first term of this president and there are no — I’m not trying to be, you know, rude here — no major foreign policy achievements, to date.” He even asked David Gregory, “So, what you’re saying in some ways and, again, not to be rude here or sarcastic, that in some ways he wins this award for not being George W. Bush?” to which Gregory responded, “I think that that is an inescapable conclusion about all of this.” I never thought I’d agree with a post on the The Daily Beast, but I think Peter Beinart got it right:

The Nobel Prize Committee should be in the business of conferring celebrity on unknown human-rights and peace activists toiling in the most god-forsaken parts of the world; the people who really need the attention (and even the money). It should be in the business of angering powerful tyrants by giving their victims a moment in the sun. Choosing Barack Obama, who practically orbits the sun already, accomplishes the exact opposite of that. Let’s hope Obama eventually deserves this award. And let’s hope the Nobel Committee’s decision meets with such a deafening chorus of chortles and jeers that it never does something this stupid again.

When it comes down to it, I really don’t care who wins the award.  It’s been mostly a farce for years now, with terrorists like Yasser Arafat and warm-mongering junk scientists* like Al Gore winning, I don’t think it’s had any real credibility for a long time.  Adam Graham at Race 4 2012 sums it up nicely.  What bothers me is how weird it is putting a man who has only talked about peace next to those who labored in slums or languished in prisons.  It boggles the mind.

*I say junk science because I don’t buy the sky is falling proclamations of Gore and his ilk.  Even if one assumes he’s right, though, how is fighting melting ice caps related to peace?  Because people might someday fight over dry land in some sort real life Water World scenario?  Absurd.

Patriots’ Day

Patriots’ Day

I don’t have much of substance to add to the Patriots’ Day discussion. My heart, of course, aches for those who lost loved ones. I would, though, like to honor my favorite patriot, my Dad. Here he is in his official Marine Corps photo, circa (I’m guessing a bit) 1968:

Love ya, Dad!

Why I Was Opposed to the President’s Address to School Children

Why I Was Opposed to the President’s Address to School Children

Recently, the President announced that he was going to address school children (or “schoochildren,” according to his web site) about the importance of education. In what was likely a surprise to the White House, parents across the country became quite agitated about the event, some even planning on holding their children out of the event. The reaction of the President’s supporters was quite condescending and insulting. The detractors were called stupid, silly, racist, and “too dumb to raise their own children.” I was one of those opposed to the President’s address, and here’s why.

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I have to get this off my chest…

I have to get this off my chest…

Yesterday was a pretty rough and frustrating day at work, but there’s nothing like a late night phone call to put that all in perspective. Yesterday, my Dad got results back from tests run last week. For some time now, he’s had trouble swallowing and finally went in for an exam. Last week, they put a scope down his throat to see what the deal was and found some polyps, if I recall correctly, in his esophagus. The biopsy results on those came back yesterday: esophageal cancer.

Hearing the word ‘cancer’ in connection to others is always saddening. When it’s your Dad, it’s earth-shaking, and this is a scary kind. To make matters worse, we don’t know much at the moment. He’s scheduled for a more thorough scan on August 7. Until then, we just have to wait and pray, trying not to run the various scenarios.

As hard and painful as this is, I think my Dad has the right perspective. He’s confident that the Lord has allowed this for a reason (which may not know for a long time, and perhaps not even on this side of the veil). He told me on the phone that he feels he’s not where he’s supposed to be and the Lord will use this to move him there.

In spite of this awful news, I remain convinced that there is a God in Heaven, and that He holds His own in His hands. As much as I hate to think about the possibility of losing my Dad, I know that he wouldn’t be lost forever. Whether we die today or fifty years from now, those who claim the name of Jesus (as my Dad and I both do), “from [our] flesh..shall see God.” My prayer, of course, is that that day is a long time off, for both of us.

Oh yeah. Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad. I love you guys.

Exorcising the Demons

Exorcising the Demons

Rush Limbaugh is one of the most polarizing figures in American politics. The Left simply can’t stand him. As soon as his name comes up, so does an inordinate amount of bile. Almost without exception in some circles. It was no surprise then, that Rush’s suggestion to Colin Powell to “go be a Democrat” has caused much consternation, even from some on the right. The GOP, we’re told, must be more inclusive! “Stop pushing out people who disagree with you,” critics tell us. I think that’s horrible advice, and I’m not alone.

National Review’s Jonah Goldberg wrote column today that touched on the subject. The immediately relevant section says this:

But the lesson runs deeper than the impending Sotomayor battle. Conventional wisdom also tells us that the GOP needs to become more inclusive. On this score the conventional wisdom is right, if by “inclusive” you mean getting more people to join the party and vote Republican. But many people mean something else by “inclusive.” They think the GOP needs to become the Pepsi to the Democrats’ Coca-Cola, indistinguishable save for small matters of taste and marketing.

Other than having Coke and Pepsi reversed, he makes a great point. There has to be something beyond simple matters of taste that separate the two parties. If our stances are the same, why are there two parties? Just to have the squabbling? Frank J. at IMAO makes a similar point:

They keep saying we can’t be a stronger party if we keep just tossing people out, but those people complaining never seem to say what makes one a Republican other than the choice of registration. Are we just going to be “the other party than the Democrats”? It seems the “moderate” strategy is to be as inoffensive as possible and hope to pick up votes from anyone whoever is currently dissatisfied with the Democrats. So basically, just bank on the Democrats being unpopular eventually, but that’s not enough. We have to be for something, which means being against other things. That means laying down some real differences between the Republican and Democratic Parties other than that they are spelled and pronounced differently. And that means excluding some people who don’t fall on the Republican side of the newly drawn line. We can attract new people for those we leave, but that only happens if we’re strong enough to actually stand for something.

I know I’m committing a mortal sin here, but, in the Church, we have a similar issue. For a given denomination, and, to a lesser degree, the Church as a whole, we have a pretty clear definition of who we are and what we believe. When someone consistently and defiantly violates or rejects those, we have a well-defined process for remediation and, if necessary, ultimately the expulsion of the offender. A healthy church/denomination doesn’t just welcome in every Tom, Dick, and Harry simply to drive up numbers.

Despite national politics being far less important than orthodox theology, I see no reason a party (Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, or whatever) should be so limp-wristed in its dogma that holding any old position should be expected. I’d even argue that it’s necessary for a group of any kind to enforce some sort control over what gets official sanctioning or the group loses any real purpose. There must be room, of course, for the official dogma to change, but it can’t be done on an ad hoc, per-person basis as that splinters the group, diminishing its focus and relevance.

So, yes, Mr. Powell, if you’re going to hold the views you do, and support a president that is diametrically opposed to just about everything Republicans believe, maybe it’s time for you to switch parties. It’s clear that the rank and file don’t agree with you, so I don’t see the party moving, and I’m sure Specter and Jeffords could use some company at the turn-coat’s table.

The Flaming Lips Love Communists

The Flaming Lips Love Communists

Recently, apparently, there was a poll for Oklahomans to help choose the official state rock song, a very important task indeed! After the voting was over, The Flaming Lips’ song “Do You Realize” came out on top. The state House, however, overrode the will of the people and stripped the song of its newly won title. Now, I’ll plead a bit of ignorance on part of this. I don’t know if the vote was supposed to be binding. I also don’t know if the House was supposed to vote to ratify the poll and didn’t, or if they voted to overturn it. I just don’t know, and I don’t care. That’s largely irrelevant.

The firestorm over the incident, though, is something of interest. It appears that the House voted against the song, because one of the members (no clue what his name is) showed up at the State House wearing a shirt emblazoned with the hammer and sickle. So, no state rock song title for them, a move I agree with. I’ve met a lot of Oklahomans having lived here for all but a year of my 34 years. I’ve not met one who thinks Communism is pretty cool. That the Lips’ fans don’t find anything wrong with the shirt says to me that they’re either historically illiterate, which is pretty scary, or that they’re not and they don’t find communism troubling, which is really scary.

One of the most annoying aspects of this whole affair is the sanctimonious sermon. by The Oklahoman’s editor, Ed Kelley. “The Flaming Lips are the latest Oklahomans to be demonized by the state House of Representatives.” Bah! He downplays the significance of the T-shirt by noting that “the old communist party…went out of business with the old Soviet Union nearly two decades ago.” I’m sure the people of Cuba and China would find that enlightening, if only their communist oppressors would give them the internet access to hear Kelley’s remarks.

“Just imagine how riled up legislators would have gotten if a band member had worn a t-shirt from a government currently in power, say, that of Barack Obama’s,” he then opines. Ed, while that’s a nice straw man, it doesn’t follow at all. Sure, many of us in Oklahoma have some very strident policy differences with the president, there’s a big difference between a liberal Democrat and what Reagan so rightly dubbed “the Evil Empire” (though I’ll grant those differences seem to be narrowing these days). Last I checked, President Obama doesn’t have a nuclear arsenal aimed at America.

Kelley then takes pot shots at the effort to put the Ten Commandments on the State House lawn. Heaven forbid (pun intended) that the silent majority of Oklahoma might want to acknowledge what they (we? 🙂 see as our heritage. We dare not offend, Kelley declares, the “small but vibrant communities of Asians in Oklahoma.” Lost on Kelley, apparently, is that he bristles at celebrating one monument to a belief system, The Ten Commandments, because it might offend a group, but has no problem celebrating another, the hammer and sickle, even though it offends a different group.

Next on his hit list are those awful, narrow-minded people that might actually want to enforce immigration laws, making illegal to hire illegal immigrants. Sure, Mr. Kelley, they may be hard-working, but they’re here illegally. The last time I looked things up, when you do something illegal, you’re a criminal. It’s really pretty simple.

Not safe from this non sequitur-laden diatribe are the efforts to make English the official language of the state. “Never mind that Oklahoma literally means ‘Land of the Red Man’ and home to dozens of Indians, many of whom have their own languages.” The English-only efforts are an attempt to combat run-away multiculturalism which has allowed an influx of immigrants to move into an area (and not just Oklahoma) and refuse to assimilate or learn the language. Instead, we’re supposed to cater to their every need, up to and including printing everything in English and Spanish, for example. It’s seen, and rightly so, I think, as an unreasonable burden upon the State and its people which drives up the cost of governing. “Supporting” only one language cuts costs, among other things.

In the end, what we learned from the Flaming Lips episode is that some Oklahomans like communists, and Ed Kelley can’t seem to construct a coherent argument.